Is the world good or bad? Should I be cynical, not trust anyone and let it be? Or should I believe in the goodness of it all? I sometimes do not know the answers to anything.
On one side, I am dealing with someone for whom I am a just pawn to prove himself good in his own eyes. And that means, I cease to exist as a human. I become a blackboard full of mistakes, an advertisement for suppressed negativity, a bloody someone who cannot deal with things with smartness and political correctness. And on top of it, I am also blamed for being a ditcher to his control tactics beneath the friendly guise. Btw, in his gtalk status message, I also become someone he was happy about ‘defeating’. LOL. I got a taste of how being caught in someone else’s insecurities feels like.
On another side, I do one right thing in days, and that of trusting an old friend and colleague. And what do I have now? Support, and a way out without anyone getting hurt professionally. Most importantly, I was laughing at the end of the conversation as he joked about the whole thing. I wish I could do that for someone but my sense of humor has gone from bad to worse these days. I got a taste of how free I am to deal with it my way even when I have managed to land myself into the whole web.
And then I happen to talk to someone else. He is not interested in my problems. Rather he teases me, laughs at me, and pulls my leg. I am pissed and tired. I crank it all out on him and push him out of sight. But then suddenly I am grateful that I have him. I am grateful that he lets me crank and when I have become peaceful then he does not remind me, blame me that I cranked at him. I am free to be, cranky, happy, angry, peaceful.
So, the bottom line is that goodness won two counts to one. So, what do you believe in today?
I choose to believe in the Blue October song, ‘Inner Glow’ – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/blueoctober/innerglow.html