Places, Vibes, and small little butterflies…

I have been increasingly feeling that there is a vibe to places I go to. Something in me would catch that vibe and I would be behaving in a way that’s completley alien to me.

There is a gym near my home and I visit it now and then. I go there, check the rates, and always come back without enrolling. I am not sure why they haven’t banned my visits till now when I have already visited them 10 times in the last year. Yesterday evening too I went there and this time with cash that I will enroll no matter what. And then after speaking to the receptionist, I came out, my head groggy. I kept roaming here and there in my colony till I felt I could think clearly again. Compared that to the gym I used to go to in Pune, I enrolled there within 10 minutes of visiting them for the first time.

Cities too have different impact on me. The moment I visit my hometown, I always get a feeling that I have to leave this place no matter what. I have to tell myself forcefully that I am going to live there for a few days. Whenever I have been to Mumbai, I feel aloof all of a sudden. It’s strange because I have been there thrice and always for a socializing event, a party, or something like that. But I always get this feeling that I want to go out and experience the city. It feels that there is something in there that’s hidden and I got to find it.

Delhi always scares me. To this day, whenever I go there, I start noticing every vehicle that overtakes my autorickshaw on road. When I first reached Pune, I felt overconfident about the place. I left the city and that job for the lack of challenge in my job and my life there. It became damn boring after a while.

When I first came to Bangalore in 2006, I had never been beyond 60 kms of my hometown but Bangalore was home the moment I landed there. The city seemed to be in a constant flux of changing weather every two hours and changing the face of architecture and roads in every 15 minutes of drive. But it still felt like home. It still is home.

I hated the smell of Chennai. It felt as if they had made a sewage of the sea that they possess. Though walking on Chennai roads made me feel very destructively confident. I could do anything and get away with it kind of feeling.

Pondicherry made me feel humble and grateful for what I have in life. One walk on the beach road, and I could fall on my knees and cry all night for giving me what I had, begging for forgiveness that I was running after so much while not appreciating what I had. Maybe it’s the impact of Aurobindo Ashram. Maybe life is so beautiful there that it makes you feel ashamed of the hedonistic, material world that we possess.

There are so many more places I have been to… Even homes have a vibe to them. If you are still for a few moments, you can know easily get the vibe of the home…

The weird thing about the vibes is that I can never make out how I am feeling when I am feeling it. Like I just felt groggy in the gym, unable to make any choices. I can’t really explain this well. It’s only later that I felt that there is a strong voice in there that seems to be stopping me, that seems to be telling me that this place won’t work for me at this point of time.

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