Starting over…

My heart was a jigsaw I failed to figure,
A dawn full of red, with a white sun inside,
Lingering grey cloud with a pink splay,
Pieces of light that I failed to find.
Blue pieces, black pieces,
Selfish pieces, angry pieces,
Listening to you, but not caring for you,
None of the pieces fit, none of the colors were right.
I colored them on top and then all over again,
Still never got the shades I wanted to give.
A muddy heart, a deluded eye,
Never sees the real pieces, even if they are all around.
Sharp pieces, dark pieces,
Bleeding pieces, stinking pieces,
There was nothing to give, but a lot to hurt,
Wreckage of a lifetime, was all I could find.
Yet, something changed when the ship sunk,
The wreckage was huge, but so was the reason to breathe.
Once at the bottom, there was light abound,
A god-given chance to throw all the ugly pieces out.
It took time but I took my chances, I hope you did too.
I hope you know, I hope you feel,
That you couldn’t have wrecked what was already broken inside,
You were there to show what I had blackened out,
You were there to help me unlock the pieces of light.
You were not who I believed you to be,
You did not become who I thought you would be,
I wish I had enough light to see the ‘you’ in you,
Getting by the wreckage might have then caused us less pain.
Now, I have the heart that I saw in my dreams,
Untouched, protected, in a shell inside.
I know some day soon it will come out,
Coz’ you came again and help me break the first lock outside.
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36 thoughts on “Starting over…

  1. I like the lines : “Listening to you, but not caring for you, / None of the pieces fit, none of the colors were right.” Such an apt description of blocks in a relationship… and thankfully those we love, or who love us, stick with us long enough to get us past this. Nicely done.

    1. Hi there… thanks…glad to meet someone who knows the puzzle:) it took me a lot of pain, patience and healing to try to do that… but every second of that hard work is worth it.

  2. I colored them on top and then all over again,
    Still never got the shades I wanted to give.
    A muddy heart, a deluded eye,
    Never sees the real pieces, even if they are all around.

    Love poetry so often falls into a precious abyss past clichés and codependent garbage but your piece immediately gripped me. How exquisite to find self-aware love poetry and so well written! I adore how you speak of coloring the pieces on top, like a girl that pulls all the stickers off a Rubik’s cube to solve it and only cheats herself. I’ll have to start reading your other poems. Brilliant.

    1. Anna… I am glad you could understand and connect… it’s kind of heartening to find someone who could connect and express with an analogy exactly how my experience was…

  3. I quote “It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall”.
    It so happens that life presents us with answers we so greatly desire once we are in a calming state to understand them better. 🙂

    1. I did try to smash the pieces… but I am one of those lucky people who got a second chance despite whatever:)

  4. Ahhh this is magnificent. I love your use of color imagery throughout, its so heartfelt and surging with emotion. Beautiful! I keep finding the loveliest poets on wordpress and wish I had an account so I could watch you all. I’ll come back, I promise.

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