Starting over…

My heart was a jigsaw I failed to figure,
A dawn full of red, with a white sun inside,
Lingering grey cloud with a pink splay,
Pieces of light that I failed to find.
Blue pieces, black pieces,
Selfish pieces, angry pieces,
Listening to you, but not caring for you,
None of the pieces fit, none of the colors were right.
I colored them on top and then all over again,
Still never got the shades I wanted to give.
A muddy heart, a deluded eye,
Never sees the real pieces, even if they are all around.
Sharp pieces, dark pieces,
Bleeding pieces, stinking pieces,
There was nothing to give, but a lot to hurt,
Wreckage of a lifetime, was all I could find.
Yet, something changed when the ship sunk,
The wreckage was huge, but so was the reason to breathe.
Once at the bottom, there was light abound,
A god-given chance to throw all the ugly pieces out.
It took time but I took my chances, I hope you did too.
I hope you know, I hope you feel,
That you couldn’t have wrecked what was already broken inside,
You were there to show what I had blackened out,
You were there to help me unlock the pieces of light.
You were not who I believed you to be,
You did not become who I thought you would be,
I wish I had enough light to see the ‘you’ in you,
Getting by the wreckage might have then caused us less pain.
Now, I have the heart that I saw in my dreams,
Untouched, protected, in a shell inside.
I know some day soon it will come out,
Coz’ you came again and help me break the first lock outside.
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36 thoughts on “Starting over…

  1. I like the lines : “Listening to you, but not caring for you, / None of the pieces fit, none of the colors were right.” Such an apt description of blocks in a relationship… and thankfully those we love, or who love us, stick with us long enough to get us past this. Nicely done.

    • Hi there… thanks…glad to meet someone who knows the puzzle:) it took me a lot of pain, patience and healing to try to do that… but every second of that hard work is worth it.

  2. I colored them on top and then all over again,
    Still never got the shades I wanted to give.
    A muddy heart, a deluded eye,
    Never sees the real pieces, even if they are all around.

    Love poetry so often falls into a precious abyss past clichés and codependent garbage but your piece immediately gripped me. How exquisite to find self-aware love poetry and so well written! I adore how you speak of coloring the pieces on top, like a girl that pulls all the stickers off a Rubik’s cube to solve it and only cheats herself. I’ll have to start reading your other poems. Brilliant.

    • Anna… I am glad you could understand and connect… it’s kind of heartening to find someone who could connect and express with an analogy exactly how my experience was…

  3. I quote “It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall”.
    It so happens that life presents us with answers we so greatly desire once we are in a calming state to understand them better. 🙂

  4. Ahhh this is magnificent. I love your use of color imagery throughout, its so heartfelt and surging with emotion. Beautiful! I keep finding the loveliest poets on wordpress and wish I had an account so I could watch you all. I’ll come back, I promise.

  5. Pingback: The Perfect Poet Award for Week 49 | Promising Poets' Poetry Cafe

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