My spiritual roots… the first few realizations (Part 2)

It had been raining the whole day of that night. There were wet dirt patches on the terrace of my home. My feet were soiled a little more every time they would furiously fall on one of those.

Everyone was responsible. Everyone had helped to cause my debacle. I had no boyfriend at 19 and no one to believe in me enough to put in money for applying to the best institutes for an MBA. I was good for nothing.

Life was over. I had no future.

I went to the edge of the terrace and looked down. A dark sky with a few grey scattered clouds randomly swaying with the wind.

I pulled myself back.

If every cloud was random, then so was I. If every cloud had water to pour, so must I have some talent in me?

And then a promise – I will find out what god had given me and not what everyone or even I think I am.

I didn’t know what it meant to make that promise then. In hindsight, maybe I found meaning in clouds because I wanted to, because I needed a ray of hope to hold on to life.

Nevertheless, that promise was enough for me to let go of the thought of jumping. That promise was enough to change my life drastically from living in a shell to opening up to new possibilities, finding ways to find myself in music, in books and in writing my diary. That promise was enough to put me on a path to try to take each day as it came and not want a future that everyone else seemed to be running after.

Living that promise is who I have become now.

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